Regrets, part 3

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

Artie's Office
Warehouse 13
South Dakota

"Uh, so, uh--Pete saw his father, but you didn't, right?"

"Yeah." Myka's face on the Farnsworth's screen looks unnerved. "But I should probably mention that I saw Sam, earlier."

Pete turns to Myka with a frown. "What? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well, y'know, Sam's dead, and your father's dead--I mean, you can understand my reticence, right?"

"You're both hallucinating??" Artie leans close to the Farnsworth. "And when were you gonna mention that to me?"

"Well, we just did," says Myka with a little shrug. The lights above the two agents flicker and there's a rumble of what might be thunder.

"What--what was that?"

"Tropical storm Inez."

...awww, crap. "Uh... you didn't say that there was a storm."

"Why is that important?" asks Pete.

Artie pinches the bridge of his nose. "How many times do I have to tell you about electrical energy? It can crank up the intensity of an Artifact, I don't know, tenfold? And if an Artifact is causing these hallucinations, then a powerful electrical charge can make these visions seem absolutely real."

"Well, they seem pretty real now."

"Alright, listen. You're gonna have to stay in constant contact, you got that? Constant. I don't care if you have nothing to report. Every hour you're gonna call me, alright? And meanwhile you're gonna find out everything, everything about these inmates who killed themselves. Start with the last one, Lee Donaldson..."

---

They did, as it happens, have something to report roughly forty-five minutes later. The prison's on-site ME had turned up dead shortly after talking to Pete and Myka. He had a personal tape recorder on which he was transcribing the autopsy report, but it quickly devolved into him shouting at what he believed to be the ghost of his patient, accompanied by a high-pitched static whine. The field agents sent a recording of the latter to Artie to analyze.

"It's ten thousand cycles per second," says Artie to the Farnsworth as he runs said recording through a spectrum analysis. "It could be the electrical interference that any natural material makes when it vibrates."

"Okay, so where does it come from?" asks Myka.

"Well, any number of minerals or heavy metals, or it could be an artifact that contains both... just give me a second, just one s--ahh." He calls up a recording of a quartz crystal humming as a current is run through it. "Yeah, okay, does that sound familiar?"

"That's it."

bangbangbang

"So, Artie," says Pete, "we're looking for some kind of mineral Artifact that causes hallucinations?"

bang - bang - bang, bangbangbang

"...is that banging--do you hear a...?" Artie looks up, distractedly. Where is that sound coming from? "Yeah, you do that, you do that, but I..."

bangbangbang, bang - bang - bang, bangbangbang

"Artie? Hello, what--?"

bangbangbang, bang - bang - bang, bangbangbang

"No, I'm okay, I'm okay, I just..." Artie picks up the Farnsworth and moves slowly across the office, trying to pinpoint the source of the noise. Somewhere up above... the rafters, maybe? A vibration carried from elsewhere in the building?

bangbangbang, bang - bang - bang, bangbangbang

"Y'know what, Artie? We got it," says Myka. "Uh, thanks, we'll call you later."

"Yeah, alright--" Artie thumbs the On/Off button without looking away from the ceiling.

bangbangbang, bang - bang - bang, bangbangbang

There's definitely a pattern to it. Groups of three, fast, then slow, then fast again.

bangbangbang, bang - bang - bang, bangbangbang

"S...O... SOS??"

Artie bolts for the windows. Somewhere in the Warehouse, someone is calling for help. There's only one person out there who could be doing that.

"CLAUDIA!"

[Dialogue from Warehouse 13 episode 1x10, "Regrets."]

Comments

[claudiometer]

The source of said SOS is frankly amazed she managed to bang it out at all (man that is going to smart tomorrow, and probably the next day - assuming she survives this), between all the crap she's attracted and how hard it's gotten to freaking move. Not that she's arguing if it helps Artie find her!
"ARTIE!"
NOT ARGUING AT ALL THIS IS NOT FUN ANYMORE.

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

The continued banging and Claudia's screaming leads Artie straight to a support girder in Portugal sector. The fully functional Shelby light up above, and the shattered remains of another beneath his feet, tell him most of what he needs to know.

Grabbing the Farnsworth out of midair before it can leap onto that cluster of stuff on the girder next to the light fixture tells him everything else he needs to know.

[claudiometer]

That's because Artie is Smart like that! But, you know, she'll tell him anyway.
"Oh, hi, Artie! Hi! Funny story." Claudia's trying not to panic, and doing a really, really terrible job of it. "So, um, I kinda tried to fix this light bulb, even though you expressly told me not to, and man, have I ever learned my lesson. You were so right about this place, you just... never know what to expect!"
:D? ...D:

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

...>_<

[claudiometer]

"Okay, you're pissed." This surprises her not at all. "Can we move past that part for now and get to the part where you get me down from here?"
Before any skyscrapers come flying toward her? THAT WOULD BE NICE.

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

Artie eyes her wardrobe dubiously. "That wouldn't be Volta's lab coat that you're wearing?"

[claudiometer]

"Oh, part of the hilarious story that I should really tell you when I'm back on planet Earth."
Translation: Yes.

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

"The reason, Claudia, that Volta's lab coat is in the Warehouse," says Artie in a voice just shy of a shout, "is because Volta couldn't control its magnetic field. As you may have noticed, each metallic object that it connects to makes the coat stronger and stronger."

[claudiometer]

"That explains so much. Thank you!"
She's caught on to that part, Artie. It's just that she noticed it when, you know, she got to the top of the girder...

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

Something is yanked sharply off of Artie's face, and the world goes fuzzy.

"My glasses--!" He reaches out for them futilely, but they're already far out of reach, clinging to Claudia's shoulder. "Those better not be scratched!" he calls up at her.

* * *

Volta's lab coat predates Artie's tenure at the Warehouse, which is a shame. If he'd been there when it was collected, he might have some idea of how to deactivate the thing. But after a quick trip back to the office to collect some notes, and a side trip to Nicaragua Sector for a few supplies, Artie thinks he's got a rig that will siphon off the coat's power. Hopefuly. Maybe.

"Okay, now, I've got these magnets, they're attached to this thing, when I let go they're coming right at you. They'll stick to you and the stuff near you, okay? Here they come--"

[claudiometer]

"Okay, they're on." Well, one of them's on her head and the other's on... the bucket, she thinks; hopefully that'll do the trick.
"Would it have killed you to put a warning label on this thing?"

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

"Saying what? 'Only Put On In Case Of Stupid'?!"

[claudiometer]

It's the same principle as not putting any useful information on the Milliways door. Which means Artie's not gonna give any ground, since he thinks everyone takes DO NOT TOUCH at face value. Besides, Claudia's got better things to argue about right now.
"Just - just bottom-line this for me, Artie."

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

What part of 'things get put in the Warehouse because they're dangerous' is so hard to comprehend?

"Worst-case scenario?"

[claudiometer]

"Oh, why not?"

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

"The entire Warehouse buckles in on itself, crushing us both to death," says Artie in the same tone he might use to talk about the weather.

[claudiometer]

...is the roof supposed to make that terrible creaking noise? (Perhaps more to the point, is it on cue or something?)
"...okay, yeah, I changed my mind. Sugarcoat it."

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

Artie might have a snarky response to that, but he's too busy fine-tuning the machine that's connected to the magnets that are connected to Claudia. At least he is until the Farnsworth buzzes at him. "Just a minute!" he calls up to Claudia before answering the call. "Yeah?"

"Artie!" Myka's image on the screen is wobbling and blurring with interference--whether from the storm on their end or the magnetic field on this end, Artie couldn't say. "Artie, thank God--okay, what shuts down quartz?"

"Of course, it's quartz, it's quartz, right, see, that makes perfect sense, I should have thought of quartz--"

"Artie." Myka's voice snaps him back into the present moment.

"Yeah yeah yeah okay listen--um--Pierre Curie and his brother Jacques, they proved the existence of a converse effect of piezoelectricity. So what you've gotta do is..."

Something scraping across the concrete in his peripheral vision makes him trail off. It's an ice skate, and as he watches, it shoots up into the air, blade first--

[claudiometer]

"Artie!"
CLAUDIA DOES NOT APPROVE OF ATTACKING ICE SKATES.

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

Artie gives her a quick glance to make sure she's not bleeding before turning back to the Farnsworth.

"Yeah, uh, sorry, yeah--uh, okay. The frequency of, of a piece of quartz can be completely canceled out by its proximity to a second piece of quartz. Now, the second piece is probably what the Artifact is."

The image on the screen is getting blurrier.

"I'm having a little difficulty seeing you, the image is breaking up--now, it's a large piece, okay? The quartz. Is the storm getting worse?"

"A lot," says Pete through the static.

"Now, when you find the Artifact, you've got to put it exactly, exactly where it was before," says Artie, slowly and loudly. "Because it's triggered by proximity. Find out its original location, it's essential to neutralizing the halluciantions! You hear me??"

He has no idea whether they heard him or not, because the audio and video feeds both fade into white noise before the transmission cuts off. Artie mutters a curse under his breath before jamming the Farnsworth back in his shirt pocket.

[claudiometer]

"Hey, hello, can we get back to me, Artie? There's a bicycle on me."
Yeah yeah Pete and Myka are on a case and she'd deserve it if Artie left her to get down alone but that's not the point. The point is: BICYCLE. ALSO BUCKET. ALSO OMINOUS CREAKING NOISE.

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

"We're going to have to, ah, reduce the magnetic field, but we're gonna do it very gradually," Artie calls up to her. "We have to do that because we wouldn't want to destroy your central nervous system."

[claudiometer]

"No. No, we wouldn't. We would not." Claudia likes her central nervous system! It is her friend!

[doyousmellfudge_archive]

Artie nods and starts gradually adjusting the equipment, starting a slow drain on Claudia's magnetic field which should--

GROOOOOOAN

...

That didn't come from the roof. That came from somewhere at ground level.

[claudiometer]

O_O
"Hey, what is that? That sounds bad. What is that?"